From the galaxy of Ogo I come

Long ago, in a galaxy far away, I, Zoltharius of Ogghis, decided to begin a journey to planet Earth. This is what I was listening to while travelling through space:


Black Sabbath - Iron Man

The birth of Zoltharius and the Computer Revolution of Ogghis

An empire was to be established and a new space lord was to be born. Ogghis was to once again rise up from the ashes and conquer the universe under a new leader. That is what the oracle told my people... and soon I was born.

Long ago, in a galaxy far beyond the Milky Way, I, the great Zoltharius of Ogo decided to begin a quest to seek worlds worthy of being conquered by my people. To do that I needed the power of the computer, or the nonbiological being as the Ogghinians used to call it before the revolution.

How could one travel such great distances without the help of a computer? How could one gain control of distant planets and exploit the people of distant galaxies without the help of technology? But the people of Oghis were not so keen on trusting the nonbiological beings and they did not change their minds until the Computer Revolution in the year 83632.

Soon after gaining power and conquering all of Ogghis I decided to improve my empire technologically. However, the ancient prophets did not agree with me. They did not want the old faith to fall and be replaced by the new omnipresent computer god. That is why they influenced the people, filled their heads with nonsense and anxiety. They made the Ogghinians use computers as cutting tools, keep them out of their homes. That is why the prophets had to be banished, sent to space, alone, for eternity.

As the old faith was crumbling down the computers filled the lives of Ogghinians. Temples were burned and Media Markts were built on their ashes. New power plants were created to produce power for the new computers. You could almost feel the wind of change on your face during the Computer Revolution.

Just like the people of Ogghis, I too desired to possess a computer of my own, a machine which would enable me to travel through the endless river of information known as the internet. But soon I discovered that there is more to this computer thing than just planning space domination and traveling to distant galaxies. There is YouTube! And look what I’ve found:

Monster Magnet - Negasonic Teenage Warhead

Pictures of my homeland

I come from the planet Ogghis in the galaxy of Ogo. And there is much T.P. there! When I conquer the Earth there shall be T.P. for everybody!